Foster Care - You can make a difference, one child at a time
Making the decision to become foster care parents is not an easy one. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions you need to mentally prepare for ahead of time. You, your spouse, and your children all need to agree that you are ready to become involved with foster care. Get information on the agencies in your state, and then begin the training process. The foster care agency you decide to work with will provide the training, support and the skills you will need to create a caring environment in your home. They will also aid families in finding any special services needed for their foster care child.
Most kids in foster care have never experienced trust with a caregiver. Whether they come from homes of neglect or abuse, they have learned that they can only rely on themselves. Long before any bonding happens in your home, families need to prepare themselves with the “push-pull” cycles that will occur. Often children have had no y may be still hurting inside. Experience of real love in their life. To them, love is conditional on performing tasks, or when it is used to their own advantage. When a foster care parent shows affection, children will often pull away after feeling close, leaving the parent hurt, confused and angry.
Attachments disorders, the degree in which a foster care child is unresponsive to acts of kindness, will vary from child to child. Each case comes with individual issues. What technique worked for one child may not work for the next. Responding to the child’s acting out behavior, without reacting emotionally, comes from practice. Find a middle ground in which you, your family and your foster care child can each establish a mutually satisfying relationship.
These children will also bring chaos into your life. Living with an abused or neglected child requires flexibility when it comes to every day tasks, especially when it comes to discipline. Their background has not prepared them for anything but turmoil, so a parent’s negative reaction in discipline and correction is an emotional payoff for them. With this comes rebellion, and rebellion=control. We often find ourselves explaining over and over why we don’t approve of their actions hoping that eventually they will understand and obey. Be aware that control has nothing to do with reason. Although many foster care children do have delayed reasoning abilities, be aware that a child’s indifference to reason can be used as a manipulation tool. Remain calm when a foster care child responds to your questions with illogical answers. A good approach to this is to give them thought provoking questions, leaving them freedom to make a choice. Therefore the child doesn’t feel controlled, which will decrease the need to rebel.
Working with foster care children requires a lot of patience, thought, and effort. The saying, “three steps forward and two steps back” accurately describes your lifestyle.
Every milestone you reach with your foster care child will enable you to keep going. Our family has personally lived on this emotional roller coaster, and the children who have touched our lives have, each in their own way, taught us something. Although there are ups and downs, think of the difference you can make in a child’s life. That makes it worth all the effort.